Green Flags I Didn’t Appreciate Before (But Needed)

In my last blog, my fiancé shared his lessons from courtship and I am so honored that you all enjoyed his blog so much. Truly, the feedback meant a lot to both of us. And yes, he will be sharing two more blogs in the upcoming weeks, so don’t worry, he’s not going anywhere just yet:-)

But this week… It’s back to me alone ..LOL!!

One thing I should mention, one of the reasons the dating app even suggested us to each other is because we both share a deep passion for writing. In fact, before we met, he had already started working on a fiction book (which I believe will come to life one day) and he has also written devotionals. So no, I didn’t have to force him to write that blog—he really loves writing.

And no… when we first met, he had no idea who I was. He was actually very surprised when he later discovered how “popular” I am. He did have a few fan moments over it!!

But let me confess something too…

One of my favorite movies is Dear John and I have always had this dream, yet hidden desire to have a partner who would write me love letters. I never made it a big thing, but it was there. And to now experience that in real life? To see God fulfill even the small, silent desires of my heart? Aww… God is so intentional.

Anyway, let’s get into this week’s blog…

What’s Important To You

We often talk a lot about red flags in relationships—those warning signs that something isn’t healthy or safe. Red flags are the behaviors we should not ignore because they usually point to deeper issues.

But today, I want to shift the conversation.

I want to talk about green flags—the healthy, life-giving traits that I didn’t fully appreciate before… but now deeply value.

And before we go any further, I want to give you a little assignment:

If you are single, sit down and write 3 green flags that are important to you
If you are married, write 5 green flags your spouse currently has—and share it with them. Let them know you appreciate those things

Truth is, sometimes we focus so much on what we don’t want… that we forget to recognize what we actually need.

The things I once overlooked… are now the very things I thank God for

If I’m being honest, there was a time in my life when I didn’t recognize peace as a blessing. I thought love had to feel like butterflies and a little bit of confusion mixed. I thought chemistry meant intensity. I thought if it wasn’t dramatic, it wasn’t deep. And because of that… I overlooked some of the very green flags I should be praying for.

1. Consistency (That Didn’t Need Chasing)

There was a version of me that found consistency… a bit boring or almost suspicious. If he texted me every day, called when he said he would and followed through without excuses, part of me would wonder, “Is this too easy?” or “Is he just pretending?” . I had unknowingly become accustomed to inconsistency, so stability didn’t feel exciting—it felt unfamiliar.

Consistency looks like someone choosing you daily, not just when it’s convenient. It looks like effort that is not dependent on mood, feelings or circumstances. It’s a steady presence that reassures you without you having to ask for it.

Now in this God-ordained relationship, I understand that consistency is not about grand gestures—it’s about reliability. It’s about knowing that what someone shows you today is what they will continue to show you tomorrow. And honestly, there is something so attractive about not having to question someone’s effort or intentions. It frees your mind and settles your heart. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t drain you—it covers you.

2. Clarity of Intentions (No Guessing Games)

I used to think the “talking stage” needed a little mystery to make it exciting. You know that the undefined space, the back-and-forth, the “let’s see where this goes” energy was part of the process. But the truth is… confusion is not from God.

There is nothing attractive about constantly trying to decode someone’s actions or wondering how they truly feel about you. When a man is clear about his intentions, when he communicates what he wants and when his words align with his actions, it removes unnecessary anxiety.

When people say, Mr Tucker and I are moving fast, we can confidently say – nope-we are just clear about what we want.

As a woman, what joy it brings to your life when you are not left guessing or questioning your worth or left trying to define something that should already be clear.

Clarity is an underrated green flag.

I needed a man who was sure about me, in every way.

I learnt that a man who knows what he wants will not leave you confused about where you stand in his life. And I knew very early where his interest lay and that I was his priority.

3. Emotional Safety (Not Just Physical Attraction)

This is something I truly didn’t understand before. You can be deeply attracted to someone and still feel emotionally unsafe with them.

As I have shared previously, I have experienced connections where there was chemistry, but I could not fully be myself. I felt like I had to filter what I said, hide certain parts of me or constantly adjust to keep the peace. But emotional safety feels completely different.

For me, it looked like the ability to show up fully as myself—my past, my healing journey, my faith, my desires … felt accepted and respected. Your presence felt deeply valued, not tolerated.

When you feel emotionally safe, you don’t have to second-guess your place in someone’s life. You don’t feel like you’re “too much” or “not enough”. It creates room for real intimacy—not just surface-level connection. That kind of safety allows love to grow in a healthy way.

I pray you will never settle without this one.

4. A Man Who Honors God (Not Just Mentions Him)

I had to mature in this area, because there were times in my dating experiences that I would settle for ‘he knows about God’.

I was even impressed if he could quote scripture, talk about faith or sound spiritual, because I assumed that meant he was grounded.

But I’ve learned that words can sound good… and still not reflect a surrendered life.

Now, I pay attention to fruit:

Does his life reflect consistency in his walk with God?
Does he make decisions based on conviction, not convenience?
Does he demonstrate humility, accountability and integrity?

The truth is, honoring God is not just about what is said publicly—it’s about how someone lives privately.

A man who truly honors God will not just pursue you emotionally; he will lead responsibly. He will consider how his actions affect you spiritually and emotionally. He won’t be perfect, but there will be evidence of growth, discipline and reverence for God. And that matters deeply… because the way he honors God will influence how he shows up in the relationship.

Let me add here… you cannot say you want a man of God and you, as a woman, don’t have a true relationship with God. And hun, you being a faithful church goer and calling yourself a Christian doesn’t make you a true godly woman. Are you surrendered to Jesus in real life?

If you’re okay with sex before marriage, dressing any way you want, entertaining unbelievers, still partying, etc. Don’t say there is no real man of God in church. I promise you they are there – they are just not attracted to you *cover eyes*

5. Alignment Over Attraction

Let me say something that might stretch you a little: Attraction can start a relationship, but alignment is what sustains it.

Alignment looks like shared values—how you view life, faith, purpose and even conflict. It looks like being on the same page about where you’re going and how you want to build your future. Because when alignment is missing, everything becomes harder.

You find yourself constantly compromising core beliefs, you feel tension in decisions that should feel unified and you find yourself starting to try to “make it work” instead of it flowing in intention and purpose.

Listen, waiting for alignment requires maturity. It requires you to prioritize long-term peace over short-term feelings.

So ask yourself:

Does this relationship support the life I am building?
Does it align with who God is calling me to become?

I tell you, when alignment is present, the relationship feels like partnership—not pressure!!

Final Thoughts:

The truth is… the green flags didn’t suddenly appear. I had to change. I had to heal. I had to be willing to let go off what felt so good to me and choose to trust God’s way and timing. And when you grow, what you are attracted to begins to shift.

So if you are in a season where you are reevaluating what you want, what you need and what you will no longer tolerate, I want you to hear me clearly:

Do not ignore the green flags because they do not feel exciting
Do not reject peace because you are used to chaos
Do not sabotage healthy love because it requires a healed version of you (be willing to do the hard work on yourself)

Remember, the right relationship will not confuse you—it will confirm what God has already spoken to you:-)

Reflect On This

Take a quiet moment and ask yourself:

What green flags have I overlooked in past relationships… because I was not ready to receive them?
What does healthy love actually look like for me now?
Who do I need to become to recognize—and sustain—the love I have been praying for?

Write your answers down. Be honest. Be intentional.

Because the more clarity you have… the less likely you are to settle for anything less than what God truly has for you.