But… God Told Me He Is My Husband!! (Part 1)

Jeez… I can’t believe I am writing this blog.

This is a story I didn’t think I would ever share, especially on a blog that will live on the internet forever. But here we are… just being obedient. I honestly don’t even know how this will impact someone, but with every single piece of writing, it is my hope that my words will bring God glory.

Now, I know everybody is excited to hear about my current courting experience and my journey to #TuckerTakesDaye (blushing)… but I can’t share my present without sharing my past failures. I never want anyone to think that I got it perfect.

There are many women who got it right on their first or second try… but mann, I was definitely like the Israelites, falling too many times. But somebody say BUT GOD!

This will be a two-part blog because I’m going to be even more transparent… because I don’t know how to be anyone else.

So grab your tea, coffee, or if you’re like me… grab the wine (white preferably).

The Encounter

It was Summer 2014 and I was living my best Christian life.

I had re-dedicated my life to Jesus on January 1, 2014, and I was on fire for God. I stopped partying, stopped fornicating, and fully committed to loving Jesus. I was trying to find my purpose, trying to live a holy life, and just learning what it really means to be a Christian (since I didn’t get it right the first time when I got baptized).

Honestly, marriage was the furthest thing from my mind at that time.

I had been having boyfriends since I was fourteen years old, and I felt like, as a Christian girl who got pregnant in church and had multiple partners before Christ, I needed just to take my time. I needed to rediscover myself and fall in love with the Lover of my Soul — Jesus.

I used to go on “dates” with God… places like the movies, the park, plays, restaurants, etc.

Then I saw a concert advertised and thought, I’ve never gone to a concert by myself before. So I was excited for a Jesus date at a concert. I got all cute and went to the event.

Honestly, I don’t remember all the artistes who performed that night, but I was a big Kevin Downswell fan at that time, so of course that alone was enough for me to go.

At the concert, I was having the best time — laughing, dancing, making a joyful noise to God (singing LOL), crying… all of it.

Then this minister came on stage.

The ministry was very powerful. I was soooo blessed, especially when he shared his testimony.

I won’t share much here because I’m pretty sure people will start trying to figure out who the person is after reading this (which is really unnecessary, since the testimony is about me, not the person… but aye).

Anyway, after the event, we connected on Facebook and became friends.

For a while, I was honestly a bit dumbfounded because this powerful man of God was now my friend… and I was just this new babe in Christ.

We never considered dating or anything like that. Actually, what made the friendship grow quicker was that we both believed we were in a season where God was saying we shouldn’t be dating anyone. So the friendship remained completely platonic.

The Confirmations

I don’t want to lie… I honestly don’t know when I first got the impression that he was my husband.

I remember shrugging it off at first because I thought, NOPE… not my type. Plus, I was pretty sure I wasn’t his type either.

Then… life started to life.

About a year passed, and our friendship started to feel a bit toxic. I don’t even know why, but we were always arguing, malicing or something. It was tough for me.

We were just friends, but my affections had grown — not necessarily that I wanted a relationship (I think… or maybe I don’t know), but the whole situation became annoying and overwhelming at times.

One night, I was praying with a friend about my friendship with him. She is a woman with a prophetic gift, and the way she prayed, I knew she heard something in her spirit. But all she said was: “Don’t give up on him. God is going to work it out.”

A few days later, I had a dream.

In the dream, a prophet friend of his — someone he had introduced me to — came and told me that the guy was my husband.

I immediately said, Nope… he doesn’t like me like that, so that cannot be so. But in the dream, his friend insisted that God said so.

The dream puzzled me, so the next day I called my friend and told her. She then confirmed that the Lord had told her the same thing, but she didn’t have the release to tell me.

I wish I could say hearing that gave me comfort… but nope.

I spiraled into questions, confusion, and no peace.

I kept asking God to first change His mind because by then the relationship between the guy and me had deteriorated drastically. But the thought wouldn’t leave me.

So I decided to pray. And honestly, I did get the same impression in my heart.

Still being a babe in Christ, I felt like I had to beg God for more confirmations.

A few days later, another prophetess called me and said the Lord told her this guy was my husband.

I was like, No God… I need more confirmation.

Eventually, we became friends again and went to an event together in St. Thomas. I was sitting there minding my business when the pastor of the church came over to me and said, “The Lord says to tell you that the guy is your husband.” I turned to the pastor in the most bitter tone and said, “Why does God keep telling me, and why hasn’t God told him?”

The pastor said, “You have to keep praying for him because he knows… but he doesn’t want to accept it. But it will come to pass.”

I was mad.

I was sad.

I was so disappointed in God.

But I loved God so much that I knew I just had to be obedient, wait, and believe that one day it would come to pass.

The Agony Continued

By now, I had started telling friends and people I trusted.

I wouldn’t even consider dating anyone because I felt that would be disobedience. I believed I just had to wait for this to come to pass.

By August 2016, we were friends again (did I say our friendship was toxic?).

Please note, I’m not blaming him or anything like that. I genuinely believe he loves God, and like all of us, he had his own life issues. But our friendship was always on and off.

At the time, I was hosting my annual conference.

2016 was a tough, tough year for me, but I kept doing what I needed to do — loving God and waiting.

I should add here that my two core best friends at the time weren’t particularly fond of him (mainly because of how stressful our friendship seemed to be for me).

At my conference, the speaker prophesied to me that marriage was coming soon, but that the enemy was fighting me in that area. She came down and prayed for me, then started heading back to the stage.

In that moment, I felt so relieved…

Until she turned back and said: “God says who you think is your husband is not your husband.”

A gush of emotions rushed through me — shock, sadness, confusion, anger.

Of course, my friends were happy and believed this was what I needed to hear, so I could move on with my life.

But nope.

I knew what God had told me and I was going to believe God.

I prayed about it again and again, asking God if He had changed His mind… but I never heard Him say that He did.

The turmoil continued.

This was one prophetess versus five other prophets, plus what I believed God had told me.

I questioned it every day.

I cried often.

I was in agony and wondered why God was punishing me. But I had to trust God even when I didn’t understand.

I remember saying to one of my friends, “Why would God force me to be with someone who clearly doesn’t like me anymore… someone who isn’t even nice to me?”

But she would always say, “Trust God, sis”

So that’s what I did. I decided to trust God.

Until the end of 2016… when we stopped speaking completely.

Life Goes On

I continued living my life, trusting that if this was truly from God, it would come to pass in His timing.

Then 2017 came, and I left my 9–5 job to launch into entrepreneurship.

We still weren’t friends.

Nothing had changed.

Eventually, I stopped praying about it. I stopped agonizing over it.

I just prayed once and left it with God.

That same year, I joined a single women’s life group (not willfully). But God led me there because I had so much bitterness toward the idea of marriage — especially when people talked about preparing to be a wife.

In that group, I met some of my favorite women and built some amazing friendships.

One day I shared with the group that God told me who my husband was… and I was just waiting.

But honestly, I was never waiting on the guy… I was waiting on God.

Tune in on Monday for Part 2.

Have a great weekend 🙂

I love you And God loves you more ❤️

Thanks for reading💛

Crystal