The Lessons I Learned About Courting God’s Way When I Stopped Dating My Way

If I’m being completely honest with you, courting is not a word I ever saw myself using in real life and certainly not one I imagined would become part of my personal love story. Let’s be real, in today’s world, even in Christian spaces, we say “dating,” we say “talking,” we say “getting to know someone,” but courting? That felt old-fashioned and if I’m honest… a little intense. And yet, God has a way of introducing you to truth in seasons where you are finally ready to receive it, not just hear it.

Let me be real, for the longest time, even as a woman of faith, I approached relationships with a mix of desire, hope, emotion and just enough spiritual language to make it seem aligned, but not always with the depth of surrender that God was actually requiring from me.

Until things changed….

How It Started: From Casual to Intentional

Mr. Tucker and I met on a dating app and in the beginning it was very normal, because he would message me consistently with good morning and how are you, and while I appreciated the consistency, after a few days I realized that if we were going to continue talking, it needed to move beyond surface-level interaction, because I am not someone who enjoys staying in shallow conversations when there is potential for something deeper.

So one night, while I was up working late, I noticed he was up too and I asked him very directly if we were going to actually have a conversation or if we were going to keep doing greetings;  I think that moment surprised him, but it also intrigued him, because from that night, things shifted between us:-)

We started asking each other real questions (not surface questions or time-passing questions).  But the kind of questions that reveal intention, values, faith and direction. 

He gave me his number that night, but I did not rush to move things because I was not about to take someone off the app prematurely without observing, so for a few days, I stayed right there – watching… discerning and when I felt settled, we moved the conversation to WhatsApp. From there, things developed with both intention and clarity.

I believe both of us knew from early that marriage was the goal, not in a pressured way, but in a very grounded and honest way, and because of that, we did not play games or entertain confusion. While some people would say we were moving fast and to be honest people still say that, I think what they don’t always see is that when you have experienced relationships that did not honor God, you reach a place where you are no longer interested in repeating those patterns.

The Conference That Shifted Everything

By the time we attended the Be One Flesh Christian Singles Conference in November, we were still friends, but something shifted in a way I did not expect. While we had already been intentional, that conference introduced conviction. Not condemnation because we both weren’t operating as God desired us to in relationships. But conviction that putting God first was the only way to a successful marriage we both desired. 

I remember sitting there and feeling like God was not just speaking generally, but personally, and I could sense that He was calling both of us to surrender our will, our way and even our desires and trust Him with the process completely.

When Courting Became a Decision

A few weeks later, he officially asked me on November 25th to court him; it was not just a question; it was a commitment to pursue this with God at the center and marriage as the intention.

Our time together became very intentional, whether it was simple moments like sitting in the park and having long, meaningful conversations or more structured activities like date nights, counseling sessions with our pastors, both individually and together, doing devotionals, reading books, meeting each other’s families, creating an expectations journal that we would go through when we met, praying together, fasting together and even having a retreat at the beginning of the year where we talked about our goals, our vision and what we believed God was calling us to build.

Yes, some moments felt intense, but we loved every moment of it because we knew we were preparing for something bigger than just a relationship.

The Power Of Accountability 

One of the things that stood out the most in this journey was how important accountability became. Because Mr. Tucker didn’t just have to connect with me, he had to be affirmed by the people I trust, including my best friend Dez, my big brother Jayson, my spiritual father Pastor Bolt, my accountability partner Stacey and my pastor Junior Tucker (who became both our pastor). 

If I am being honest, part of me expected resistance; I expected harder questioning, especially from Jayson. Instead, there was a peace and confirmation that I could not ignore. Even when he met my father, I remember feeling like it was too easy because my father asked a few questions, but did not challenge him the way I thought he would.

By January, Mr. Tucker had already spoken to both my parents and my pastor about his intention to marry me and shared his plan to propose on March 1. My father told him that if he could make me happy, he should go ahead and marry me, because many had tried and failed (Chris is a sellout LOL)! 

And No, It Wasn’t All Perfect

Now let me say this clearly, because I never want to present a perfect picture. It wasn’t all roses and peaches. We had moments where we disagreed. We had times where we butted heads, especially after we got engaged.

And yes, I could say it was mostly his fault… 😌 LOL. I’m kidding. …or am I? Okay okay, let me be humble. What I will say is this: I learned very quickly how much I value peace. That meant I had to be intentional about how we navigated conflict and not avoid it.

We had to choose to grace each other, empathize and listen without being defensive (God is still working on us)!  Courting God’s way doesn’t mean you won’t have disagreements. It means you learn how to handle them in a way that still honors God and each other.

5 Lessons Courting Taught Me

1. Courting Is About Purpose, Not Just Feelings

One of the biggest mindset shifts I had to embrace is that courting is not about “seeing where things go,” because that mindset leaves too much room for confusion, compromise and emotional entanglement without direction.

Courting is intentional. It asks the question: Is this person aligned with my purpose and my calling from God? Because the truth is, chemistry can exist without compatibility (go read last week’s blog) and feelings can be strong without being right and if you are not careful, you can build emotional connections with people who were never assigned to walk with you long-term.

Amos 3:3 reminds us, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

2. You Don’t Get to Keep One Foot in the World and One Foot in God’s Way

I had to confront the reality that I could not desire a godly relationship while still holding on to worldly patterns in how I approached relationships, because God’s way requires a full surrender, not partial obedience and that meant unlearning certain habits and choosing a different standard even when it felt unfamiliar. 

Romans 12:2 says, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”

3. Boundaries Are Not Restrictions—They Are Protection

This was one of the most real and necessary lessons, especially when it comes to sexual purity, because choosing to honor God with our bodies required intentional decisions, honest conversations and a shared commitment to not allow physical desire to lead the relationship. While the world may normalize certain things, we had to decide that purity was not optional for us – no sex before marriage – but a way of honoring God and protecting what we were building.

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 says, “Flee sexual immorality… Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit… you are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore, honor God with your body.”

4. God Must Be at the Center—Not Just Mentioned on the Side

This one right here changed everything for me, because there is a difference between a relationship where God is acknowledged and one where He is actually leading. Courting God’s way means inviting God into every stage—decisions, conversations, boundaries, future and direction.

For us, it looked like praying together, seeking wise counsel, having accountability partners, having a personal relationship with God for ourselves  and submitting the relationship to God’s timing and process.

Matthew 6:33 says, “Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you.”

Reflect On This 

If you had told me a year ago that I would be talking about courting, I probably would have laughed it off and said, “I don’t know if that’s for me,” but now I understand that it was never about the word—it was about the way. God’s way!  A way that may not always be popular, but is always peaceful. And if you are in a season of navigating relationships, questioning your approach, or feeling a gentle nudge from God to do things differently, I want you to know that His way is not restrictive—it is refining.  It is not limiting—it is liberating.

When you do it God’s way, you don’t just find love… You build something that lasts (and this is what we are praying and believing for)

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