The Truth About Wifehood Most Women Don’t Want to Hear

I sat here in Alabama pondering what I should write about today. I have a few topics in my phone, but I just didn’t feel led to write any of them.

I even thought about whether it’s time to share my current courtship journey, but again, I wasn’t sure (even though I know that’s what most people are excitedly waiting on).

Then it came to me… Most of us women—especially when we are godly/Christian women—think that automatically makes us “wife material.”

I mean… I remember back in the world, the song “Wifey, you a di wife” would have women ready to walk out in the video light (by the way… do they still even have video light at parties? 😅).

Anyway, back then, I never walked out to that song because:

1. I preferred being the other woman (judge me.. or read a previous blog HERE about that)

2. I wasn’t fooled into thinking that because a man said I was his #1 woman, that made me a “wife”—unless a man put a ring on it 

3. My idea of a wife was the woman at home washing and cleaning while the man had multiple women outside

Don’t judge me too much—I wasn’t born saved. That was the inner-city culture I grew up in.

When I got saved, the church I was baptized in, Pastor Bolt taught extensively about marriage, relationships and family. My mind started to be renewed under that teaching and I began to value marriage because it is a God thing. I was also exposed to many amazing married couples, which has been such a blessing on my faith journey.

So my question is: Does being a woman automatically make you a wife?

The scripture says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing” — Proverbs 18:22

This tells me that technically, not every woman is a wife. We have to become a wife before we are found by a man and get married (or so I think). I think most women believe that once I desire marriage and find a man who wants to marry me, I become a wife… but I honestly don’t think so.

So let me take you through my longggg journey to understanding what it means to become a WIFE.

Wife Mentorship Beginning

In 2017, God “forced” me to join a life group called God Is A Matchmaker. I say forced because I was a bit in my feelings over someone I believed God said was my husband. Also, 2017 was a very tough year—marriage was the furthest thing from my mind. But I remember one of the ladies, Sis Dian Hanson from my previous church, had mentioned the book to me at some point and how it changed her life. So I did have some curiosity. I joined the group with a whole attitude, saying I would go once and not return—but obviously, God had other plans.

My life group leader, Stacy Samuels, is one of my favorite people ever, and I met some amazing women in that group who I’m still close friends with today.

I won’t lie—I don’t remember much of what I learned outside of stopping going on dates for free food (…lol…). But I’m pretty sure a seed about wifehood was planted.

Not Another Singles Program

In 2021, I joined another singles program led by Rev. Dr. Carla Dunbar. I am Aunty Carla’s favorite person (nobody can tell me otherwise 😌). She had a program called Marriage Readiness Intelligence (MRI). The program was good, and at the time, I was entertaining an unbeliever who wanted to marry me (another story for another time).

Being mentored by Dr. Carla, who loves to talk about marriage, has been a beautiful journey—but I don’t know if I was fully convinced I was ready to really be a wife.

Things Changed in 2025

Fast forward… At the end of 2024, I started feeling like, hmm… I think it’s time for marriage. I had always desired for all my closest friends to be married before me, and by the end of 2024—they all were. So I said, “Yup, it’s my time.”

Then the Lord asked me: “Are you really ready to be a wife?” I was like… what do You mean, Lord? He began challenging me: How have you prepared yourself to be a wife?

To me, I had attended many singles conferences and retreats, done mentorship programs, read books… so what else was there to do? Then I realized—it wasn’t just about doing things, it was about becoming.

Here’s what I came to understand: Being a wife is a role, a calling, and a responsibility—not just a gender. A wife is a woman who has been prepared in character and is developing emotional, spiritual, and relational maturity.

Now, I wouldn’t say this is why I wasn’t married before or that God was delaying my husband or anything like that.

But I can say this—I truly appreciate going on the journey of understanding wifehood before being found. I am in a far better place to steward my new season than I was 3 or 5 years ago.

And let me say this… sometimes the church can misuse this message about preparation. It can sound like: “You’re not married because you’re not ready,” or “Those who got husbands were more prepared.” I don’t agree with that at all. 

However, I do believe this: you can never be over-prepared. When the new season comes, you will be grateful for every lesson you took the time to learn. (I know I am.)

Not a Good Student But…

In 2025, I signed up for two wife mentorships—Wife Material with Tania Case and Wife Preparation with Sashell Hall. I wasn’t the best student, to be honest. Both were on Saturdays, and as a speaker and entrepreneur, Saturdays can be very busy. Sometimes I missed classes or was multitasking—but I took in as much as I could. I even redid Aunty Tania’s mentorship later in the year to catch up on what I missed.

But if I’m being honest… after five mentorship programs, I still couldn’t say, “Yes, I’m fully ready to be a wife.”

Nope.

But my biggest takeaway was this mindset shift: From “When will I be found?” To “Am I becoming the kind of woman a godly man can recognize, honor, and build with?”

I learned that preparation isn’t about performing to find a man—it’s about becoming whole, aligned, and ready for purpose in your next season. And whew… I didn’t learn this easily. Some of us are a little hard-headed 😅 Not intentionally—but when “shiny syndrome” shows up, we get distracted. But God!

3 Lessons I’ve Learned About Moving from Woman to Wife

1. Emotional Maturity Matters: You don’t want to enter marriage still needing someone else to fix what you haven’t faced. Marriage has a way of exposing what singleness can hide.

Some of the work I’ve had to do includes:

• Healing from past hurts and disappointments

• Learning healthy communication (not shutting down or exploding)

• Releasing soul ties and unhealthy attachments

• Managing expectations and learning conflict resolution

• Building self-awareness and emotional intelligence

• Taking accountability instead of always being defensive

Because the truth is—marriage doesn’t magically fix you, it reveals you (that’s what my wife mentors tell me)

Scripture: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

2. Cementing Your Spiritual Foundation: Know who you are outside of a relationship. Know who God has called you to be. What are your values and convictions? Do you have a real relationship with God—or just religious habits? Because marriage will require discernment, wisdom, and covering—and you better have these established before that man comes.

Let me also say this… If you are a Christian woman and you are okay marrying a man who does not know Jesus Christ—or you believe men of the world are the same as godly men—your foundation is not solid.

I had to ask myself: Why was I okay entertaining unbelieving men as a woman of God? And I had to allow God to expose the unhealed parts of me that were attracted to lukewarm or non-Christian men—men who fed my worldly desires for looks, money, and stability. I had to be honest and admit that part of me didn’t even feel like I deserved a truly godly man because of my past mistakes. That was hard. But I also had to allow God to heal me so I could believe that He would bless me with a man who genuinely pursues Him—not a perfect man, but a godly one.

3. Learning Partnership (Not Just Desire for Marriage): Many women want a wedding, but not the work that comes with marriage. It’s easy to dream about the dress, the photos, the celebration, but marriage is not a one-day event; it’s a lifelong commitment that requires intentional work every single day (that’s what my mentors say). 

I had to ask myself real questions:

• Am I ready to see submission as strength, not weakness?

• Am I willing to support, sacrifice, and serve someone else for a lifetime?

• Do I understand that marriage is about partnership, not control or competition?

Because marriage is not just about love—it’s about teamwork, commitment and daily choosing each other even when it’s not easy.

Anyway… this blog is becoming longer than I intended, so let me wrap up here.

If someone asks you if you are ready to become a wife and you confidently say “yes”… in my opinion, you might not be ready 😅 Because the truth is—unless you’ve been married before, you really don’t know how ready you are. Just like motherhood—you are never fully ready. You learn as you go. And I believe it’s the same with marriage.

Even though I am currently courting, I find myself watching more relationship and marriage sermons, reading books, interviewing wives, and still being mentored. Because I want to set myself up for the best success possible. And with the divorce rate being so high… listen, I don’t want that to be my portion.

Now, I can’t guarantee that all this preparation means I will never experience divorce—only God knows the future. But I do believe this: Preparation increases your chances of success far more than lack of preparation. And if you feel like you know enough… that might be pride, baby girl. I’ve been there—saying I won’t fast, pray or attend another singles event.

Until I humbled myself and said: “Lord, I am not preparing for a man—I am preparing to be Your wife first.”

I’ll close with something Aunty Carla always says: “We are willing to go to college for four years to get a degree for a job, but we don’t want to invest time to learn about being a wife—when marriage is one of the most important decisions we will ever make.”

That’s it.

Hope this blesses you 🤍

Feel free to email me: crystalsdaye@gmail.com