So… What If He’s Not the One?

I didn’t realize I would be enjoying blogging so much after years of not having the unction to write. I literally have over 20 topics I want to share about my lessons, stories and reflections on my journey of Single Wifehood and I can’t wait to share them.

So for now, look out for a blog every Monday and Friday—until I feel led to pause or stop. 

This topic I wasn’t ready to share yet, but I got an email early this week and I said… let’s address the elephant in the room.

So, since December, when I announced my courtship, I have gotten many messages either warning me about sharing my relationship journey or expressing their dissatisfaction that I share “too much” and that I need to do things in private and stop sharing my life publicly.

Let me say this — I am NEVER offended when someone shares their opinion with me. I choose to believe it is genuinely coming from a sincere place and honestly hope and pray it is never from a malicious place.

But I also believe it’s important to share my heart or at least my thoughts, about this concern so many people seem to have for me.

The Beginning of My Purpose Journey

In 2014, I sensed a strong conviction and calling that God had a bigger purpose for me than what I was settling for. He took me on a 90-day consecration and one of the books I read during that time (and it is still one of my favorite books) is The Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren.

The first sentence in the book says: “It is not about me” That statement changed my whole life and 12 years later, I still operate this way. Nothing I do is about me. It is about bringing God glory.

While I have not gotten the Christian walk perfectly in any way, shape or form—I have failed God too many times (thank God for grace and mercy that has been keeping me). But I have also tried to walk intentionally and purposefully. 

If I sense a leading in my spirit about something—I don’t delay, I obey!! 

I truly believe my steps are ordered by the Lord (Psalm 37:23)  and I also believe my missteps are ordered by Him too, because God works all things together for good (Romans 8:28).

With that confidence in who I am in Christ, I don’t approach life in fear that people will harm me, hate me or that I will be embarrassed. Because on this journey, I have learned something very real: Shame doesn’t kill. Believe me—if it did, I wouldn’t be here today.

My Courtship Announcement

As mentioned, since December, I have had many people “warn” me about prematurely sharing my courtship news publicly.

If I am being honest, most of it has been from a place of fear that the enemy can attack the union or relationship. A few people have even said, “What if it doesn’t work out? God will be a liar.”

Here are my honest thoughts around “What if he is not the one?”

1. If I am wrong, then God cannot be a liar: – It will simply mean I am human who heard wrong—and grace will get me through as it always has. If you are a Christian and have never been wrong about anything, I say hats off to you. I know I have been wrong many times and while it sucked in the moment to accept that, I have NEVER seen God not work it out for my good. It has never made me doubt God (even if I questioned it). Instead, it has always drawn me closer to Him and grow my faith—because He is so kind.

2. If he is not the one, we both will be okay: – Because we both love Jesus more than we love each other. And if God says otherwise, while it would break both our hearts, we trust God’s sovereign plan and know that He heals broken hearts (Psalm 147:3).

3. If he is not the one, we can both confidently say this has been the best relationship of our lives:- The laughter, the joy, the prayers and the beautiful moments we’ve shared have been some of the most peaceful and happiest moments we both have experienced in any relationship. We are truly grateful for those memories and will never regret them.

I am also sharing this for someone who may be feeling regret about the relationship choices you made in the past and it turned out not to be the one. It is okay!!  In that moment, you made the best decision you believed you were making and God does not hate you or feel disappointed in you for that. What will make the difference is whether you allow it to make you better or bitter. Your heart posture will reveal who you truly believe God is to you.

Now, this blog is getting a bit longer than I desired, so let me wrap it up (lol)

Let Me Say These Things

1. If you genuinely feel concerned about me and how transparent I am, ask yourself:
Are these your own fears and insecurities you’re projecting onto me? Or if you truly sense God is showing you something about me, I believe the best option is to PRAY. Pray for me with all your heart. Pray God protects me, my daughter, my ministry and my family. Pray God blesses my courtship so it bears fruit as a godly marriage. The Kingdom needs more healthy marriages. Praying is the most powerful thing you can do for me.

2. This is who God has called me to be
Someone who authentically, transparently, and practically shares my faith boldly and publicly. This is not my life — this is His life (Galatians 2:20 – “I am crucified with Christ: nevertheless I live; yet not I, but Christ liveth in me: and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by the faith of the Son of God, who loved me, and gave himself for me”)

As long as someone is being inspired or blessed by what I share, I don’t worry. People can say many things about me, but one thing they must say is: “I see JESUS in Crystal” .

My DAYE Light will always shine bright for Christ.

3. Again, I genuinely appreciate the concern for me
Believe me, I am not offended in any way. Actually, it is very humbling to know that so many people love and admire me and don’t want me to be embarrassed or humiliated publicly. It is noble to want to protect me. But I am very used to my calling bringing people discomfort and being questioned about my intentions. It is the price I have been paying from the day I said: “Jesus, I will follow you.” I don’t ask God “why me?” anymore like I used to when people’s approval was my idol. Now I say: “Whatever brings you glory God… why not me?”

PS. For those who read this and feel offended, I pray you hear my heart. I love you and God loves you even more. We should always be careful about passing judgment because just because God didn’t lead you to do something a certain way doesn’t mean He cannot lead someone else differently. God has a unique calling and assignment for each of us. Trust Him—not just for yourself, but also for your sisters and brothers in Christ.

PSS. For those who may read this and say I am speaking negative over my relationship—I promise you that is not the case. I promise you, I am properly loved and deeply in love. The scripture says perfect love casts out all fear (1 John 4:18) and I am truly grateful for this beautiful season of my life.

I’ll end this blog post the way the older church mothers would say: “Pray for me as I pray for you, in Jesus’ name.”

Don’t miss Monday’s blog as I share why I know he is the one.

Have a great weekend lovies 💛

Thanks for reading💛

Crystal