Why Didn’t He Choose Me?

This is the second blog and I had initially planned to write a nice, cute piece about how waiting on God is worth it (which it really is)… But I’m like, nope. Let’s just jump in with the realness.

So, this blog was inspired on Friday while driving past a restaurant called Macau in Kingston, JA.

Back Story

I was sitting at my desk at work when I got a message: “Did you hear Ricky is engaged?!”

I’m like, nope.

I went on Facebook, and that’s when for about 120 seconds I felt like my heart stopped… and a tear fell.

The man I loved for years was proposing to someone who wasn’t me.

I got up from my desk and ran into the bathroom… I had many thoughts, but they all wrapped up into one question: “Why didn’t he choose me?”

I can’t speak for any other woman, but I know this question has plagued me in many relationships. When I know I could be such a good wife, but yet when it’s time to be picked, it feels like I’m not the one chosen.

Yeah, yeah, I know — as a Christian, the most important thing is to be chosen by God and that’s all that really should matter. And deep down, I believe that Jesus is enough.

But in those moments, the emotions flood you, and all you feel is rejection, shame, and sometimes even condemnation.

It feels sucky!!!

On my single journey, I’ve had to learn how to navigate my relationship with rejection. Rejection will have you settling for less because you think you don’t deserve better. It will keep you bound in victim mode — “Why me?” — and lead to insecurity, comparison and even self-sabotage.

I’ve found that healing from the root of rejection is so important to the journey of being a single woman who desires to be a wife.

Healing for me really came through not just reading God’s Word, but believing it.

Scriptures like “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” – Psalm 34:18

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” – Jeremiah 29:11

I journaled, prayed and really came into agreement that when I’m not “chosen” by a man, it’s because God has something better in store. He knows the plans He has for me and who should be aligned with that.

I remember saying to myself, “I choose me.” Because God has chosen me — and that’s enough (even if I never get married).

Let’s go back to the story…

When I went into the bathroom and a tear or two fell, I heard the Holy Spirit as clear as Daye (you get it lol) say: “Do you want to marry him?” I’m like, NOOOO!!  Then He said, “So why are you sad? Why are you crying?” And I’m like… I don’t even know.

Was it the fancy engagement he planned at Macau for her?
Was it because it felt like she “won”?
Was it because I still had some tiny hope that maybe we would end up together one day?

And I knew I did not want to be with him — not because he’s a bad guy (come on, we spent 7 years together and he’s my child’s father) — but because I know the life I wanted (or the life God wanted for me) and he wasn’t for that future.

I had to really be honest with myself in that moment and realize it wasn’t that Ricky didn’t choose me. He was just choosing for himself. And that had nothing to do with me, my worth or rejecting me. And even if he was “saying no” to me for whatever reason, I was 100% sure that rejection is always God’s protection. I had to trust God’s plans!!

Six minutes after hearing the news: 2 minutes to spazz out… 2 minutes feeling sorry for myself… 2 minutes for God to remind me who I am in Him.

I walked back to my office desk feeling excited that she (my former matey) was living her dream of being married to the love of her life. And I was happy that he (my former lover) was making a big-man move to marry — because I honestly never thought he was the marriage type.

And I prayed for them.

And I genuinely felt happy for both of them.

PS. Maybe because it had been years since we ended our relationship,  my peace came sooner for me. Maybe if the relationship had just ended, it would have taken longer to process. So, for someone reading this, I don’t necessarily think it will be this quick for you. But the point is this: If you allow God to heal your heart, there will come a day when you genuinely wish the person who didn’t choose you well and trust that God’s plans for you are better than the ones you desire for yourself.

Truth Moment

I could share many moments after that where I questioned why other men didn’t choose me to be their wife. And I promise you — in those moments, it all sucked!!

When the thoughts of “Why am I not chosen?” flood your mind, it can feel overwhelming.

But here’s what I’ve learned: Not being chosen by them does not mean you are not chosen by God. And when you are chosen by God, you are never overlooked — you are being positioned.

As I end this blog, I pray that something I said ministers to someone.

My biggest encouragement for you is this: “What is meant for you will not pass you.” – Isaiah 43:19 reminds us that God is doing a new thing — even when we don’t see it yet.

Trust that if God removed someone, it’s because they were not aligned with your destiny. Know that your worth is not validated by a ring, a proposal or a man “choosing” you.

You are already chosen. You are already loved. You are already enough.

Know that I love you — and God loves you more.

Thanks for reading💛

Crystal